Family Day: Sharing More than Meals

Originally published in light and crispy newspapers on September 21, 2007

As a parent of two boys, I sometimes lie awake at night wondering if either of them will wind up in juvenile detention, or worse. At ages six and two the infractions are not serious. The little one throws toys and sometimes fits and the older one gets warnings at school for things like talking too much, and most recently, ill-timed exercising of his newly-acquired ability to whistle. So far, there do not seem to be any signs of a life of crime. Still, it keeps me on my toes, looking for the most effective ways to parent.

I know I’m not alone. Most moms and dads, grandparents, uncles and aunts, and other adults want the best for the kids in their lives. If we knew of a fool-proof way to assure a happy and productive life for them, we would certainly take advantage of it. Unfortunately there are no guarantees.

There is, however, some rock-solid research that tells us there are steps we can take to significantly reduce the chances of our kids getting mixed up in drinking, smoking, and using other drugs. So, what’s the secret? Well, it is not some new discipline technique or complex parenting theory. It is, in fact, quite simple. Eat dinner with your kids.

The National Center for Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University has conducted rigorous social science research for over a decade and they have found that compared to kids who have fewer than three family dinners per week, children and teens who have five to seven family dinners per week are: 70 percent lower risk for substance abuse; half as likely to try cigarettes or marijuana; and one-third less likely to try alcohol. In the world of research, these are very significant findings - about as close to a magic bullet as you can get.

Beginning in 2001, CASA began promoting the fourth Monday of each September as Family Day: A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Kids. This year, Family Day is Monday the 24^th. The purpose of this once-a-year declaration is to remind parents that what kids really need at the dinner table is us.

The actual food on the plate is secondary - whether it is a homemade meatloaf or take-out Chinese - the point is spending time together. Family Day is designed to encourage parents to frequently eat dinner with our kids and be involved in our children’s lives. The conversations that go hand-in-hand with dinner help us learn more about our kids’ lives and help us better understand the challenges our kids face. CASA provides several suggestions for integrating this family practice:

1. Start the pattern of family dinners when children are young;
2. Encourage kids to create menu ideas and participate in meal preparation;
3. Turn off the TV and let voice mail answer calls during dinnertime;
4. Talk about what happened in everyone's day - school, work, extracurricular activities, or current events;
5. Establish a routine (light candles, giving thanks, telling a story to start and end each meal);
6. Play a board game or serve dessert after dinner to encourage the family to continue the conversation; and
7. Keep conversation positive and make sure everyone gets a chance to speak.

With kids who are just six and two I understand that my busiest kid days are ahead of me - sports, music, scouts, church youth group, or whatever. Ask me in 15 years or so how successful we’ve been in having five to seven family meals together each week. We’re going to do what we can to make sure that more often than not, we’re paying attention to both the quality and quantity of our time together. Likely about the time I sleep soundly without worrying about my kids’ futures, I’ll have grandchildren to start worrying about. More information about Family Day is available at www.casafamilyday.org. 

Comments

[Kenneth Johnson]

Scott:

I liked this article--especially the idea of allowing children to be involved in menu selection. This may have the added benefit of getting kids to eat their vegetables! I hope you are well.