Originally published in sweet and sticky newspapers on November 6, 2008
Visits to my family during presidential election years require more tongue holding on my part than usual. Growing up, I shared their political leanings; but as an adult, life experiences have moved me in a different direction. I’m an absolute coward when it comes to any sort of disagreement with my folks so I’ve devised some strategies to keep the peace.
Oddly, my parents don’t engage others in actual dialogue. There is no, “Son, what do you think of…” Their style, rather, is to make random, awkwardly-timed pronouncements and then look for signs of agreement. When it comes to politics, most of these statements are made about the candidate they oppose rather than the one they support and they employ sarcasm to help make their point.
Right in the middle of watching the 3rd quarter of a televised college football game I might get a “This economy is in a real mess and {roll eyes and sarcastically state the name of the guy they don’t like} is gonna fix it!” I can get away with just a “Yeah!” or “I know!” as my response. They, of course, think that I’ve registered their eye rolling and sarcasm and have responded in kind when, in actuality, I’m ignoring their sarcasm and responding straight forwardly because I am confident that my guy IS the best one to get us out of this mess. I’m pretty sure this bit of rhetorical trickery falls within some loophole in both the “honor thy father and mother” and “thou shalt not lie” commandments, so I’m still in good standing.
This election year I had a new element to deal with. My seven year old son happens to have had a strong opinion about which candidate he wanted to see in the Oval Office, a decision to which he came completely on his own, by the way. On our visit to see my folks last week I urged him to not talk politics with his grandparents but bite his lip and keep his head buried in his book or Game Boy when Granddad or Grandma brought up the notion. There are other conversational topics my parents and I avoid even though they know exactly what the differences are. We agree to disagree and to steer clear of controversy.
I hope I’ve not given you too bad an impression of my relationship with my family. We all love each another despite our differences and there is far more that binds us together than pulls us apart. Food is at the top of that list.
When we come to visit, my mom and dad will work tirelessly to make sure that everyone’s favorite meals and treats are on the menu – Grandad’s fudge (both chocolate and peanut butter) for the boys, a pot of decaf coffee each morning because that is what my wife drinks, and one or more of my childhood favorites like meatloaf, fried chicken, or a great steak on the grill. My parents are older and on a fixed income so this sort of extravagant cooking takes a toll on both their pocketbooks and energies. They do it because they love us.
My family is a big one. I’m the youngest of ten and when spouses, kids, and kid’s kids are added we’re quite a crew. My political differences with the family are small beans when it comes to some of the life choices and life circumstances of other others in the clan. On the rare occasions when a large group of the family gets together for a holiday meal, elephants and donkeys are left outside, skeletons are locked securely in closets, and we are truly one big happy family. In the kitchen, everyone pitches in with their own specialties – one sister’s pies, another sister’s pretzel salad, dad’s cornbread dressing, my green olive soup. We set aside our differences for at least a couple of hours. It’s hard to imagine anything more non-partisan than a good piece of pumpkin pie.
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